Ditch the Drama, Aspire to Inspire!
We’ve all heard someone say, “I don’t want drama” or “that girl is nothing but drama,” but what IS drama? Having “drama” is usually brought on by a person’s choices and actions, causing an emotional rollercoaster and a string of crazy events that bring on a lot of attention (usually the wrong kind).
When you get a group of people together that are all going for one common thing, (in the fitness industry that would be popularity, trophies, pro cards, etc.) DRAMA HAPPENS. No matter how good of a person you are, drama will find you if it hasn’t already. So how do you keep the drama to a minimum? Or, if you are like me, and used to have lots of drama, how do you overcome it?
YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY BELONGS IN A HAMPER, NOT ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Oh, you have a new boyfriend this week? Oh, you are so in love? Oh, he’s your soul-mate? Oh, you hate his guts now? Oh, you’re back with your ex-boyfriend again? Oh, he is your soul-mate, too? Are you a cat? Do you have 9 souls? How many soul-mates can you have?
We have all seen it, and many are guilty *cough, cough, me too, cough* but the reality is, you aren’t fooling anyone. You end up looking like a hot mess. And to be honest, it is exhausting for every single person on the newsfeed that sees it. You end up looking unstable, always on the prowl, and in the end, no one takes you seriously.
If you are constantly fighting with your friends/significant other and posting about it, that is only ASKING for the hyenas and vultures to come. Put negativity out there, and that is what you shall receive. Yes, social media is an outlet for many, but the next time you get upset about something, try another source instead. Talk to someone close to you that you can trust. Write it down in a journal. Go to the gym and hit some PR’s. JUST PUT THE COOKIE, er, PHONE DOWNNNN (in my best Arnold voice).
When I meet someone face-to-face at shows now, I usually connect them with their Facebook posts. Are they negative and always talking trash? If so, I am always cordial but you can bet your Apple Pie Quest Bar I keep arms distance from them. And guess what? Drama avoided.
WATCH YOUR CIRCLE OF FRIENDS
Who are you hanging out with? Are they known for something in particular? Do they sleep around? Trash talk? Constantly fighting with someone? Are they into drugs? They could be the best person out there, but truth be told, who you hang around says a lot about you. If you don’t want to give the impression that you sleep around or do certain things you don’t do, then I would probably reconsider your circle. Sure, you are thinking, “I don’t care what people think, that is jacked up to say about my friends,” but here’s the reality of it: say I were to post photos of me doing drugs and getting ice cream wasted with a different guy every night even though I don’t do it, it’s just for show, per se; do you think that my coach would invest any time in me given that impression on social media? What would a potential sponsor think? If you want to become successful, you must know your worth and become a person worth representing.
RISE ABOVE IT
The saying, “dogs don’t bark at parked cars,” holds light here. We live in a world full of different thoughts, opinions, beliefs, wants, needs, etc., and of people that are not afraid to voice their opinion of you. Not everyone will agree with you, like you, or believe in you for that matter – that’s life. At some point, someone will say something to you or about you and you will get hurt/angry/upset, we are human! Emotions happen.
The good thing about this is that you have a choice. Do you fuel the fire by driving that parked car so the dog barks louder and chases you? Or do you leave it alone and let the dog get bored and walk away? I remember before my first competition I had posted a progress picture on Instagram. This boy started ranting and raving about how nasty I looked and how I used steroids. I got so upset by that accusation that I responded and we went back and forth all day. I was so upset I was crying. Now I understand why people choose to ignore the negative. If you respond to it, it only empowers it even more and just drags you down. My advice? Smile on :) and let it blow over. Your best bet is to just block the negative person and focus your energy elsewhere.
When you love something, it is so easy to become consumed with it. When you live the “Eat. Sleep. Train. Repeat.” lifestyle, it is a given that you are going to have a ton of #fitfam friends, count the minutes before you can eat again, talk about what you are going to train at the gym that day, talk about all the foods you can’t have, flex in every mirror you walk by, count the days until your next show and when you can eat that cake, the list goes on and on! YOU KNOW!
But what are you outside of fitness? What makes you, YOU? What happens when you place all of your eggs in the fitness basket by alienating your friends, stop going to church, disappearing from your family, and then you don’t place well in your show? If you say, “suck it up and train harder,” then you are full of it because I know for a fact you want to place well and will be disappointed if you don’t. That’s why we are called “competitors!”
Competitors compete to win! But competing should be a PART of your life, not your WHOLE life. We all have good days and bad days. If you make competing your whole life then your whole life is not going to be so great on a bad day. Make time for your training, but make time for others as well. Competing is what you do, not who you are. Nurture other aspects as well and focus on creating a whole life filled with friends, family, hobbies, work, school, love, laughs, and memories. That way, you are less inclined to burn-out and if one part of your life comes crashing down, it won’t be your whole life.
DO WHAT YOU CAME TO DO – DON’T LOSE FOCUS
When you get overwhelmed, you can let the smallest thing get to you and then blow up for no reason. Two weeks out from your show you can let someone’s (or even your own) voice in your head and second guess yourself. Then you will spend hours on end comparing yourself to everyone else and that brings negativity and doubt in. People can sense when you are having a rough time. The right people will assure you, lift you up, and support you. The bad ones will feed into it by trying to confirm those bad thoughts you are having, causing you to resent them and the next time you see them in public there will be strife. Don’t play into that.
You know what you came to do, so hone in on that vision, keep negativity out of your mouth, and get to it. By feeding off of everyone else, you allow your mind to wander creating a ping-pong thought game in your head, losing focus. Don’t let anyone or anything break that focus. If you are so focused in on your ultimate goal, you really will have no time to get caught up in the drama on the sidelines while you are on your way to the top. :)
Once I began to apply this to my life, well… POOF! The drama faded and I got my life back on track. It is important to always remain positive and uplifting because even if you don’t have much drama, in a world of keyboard warriors it is easy to get caught up in the drama of others. When you open a door, good comes in along with the bad. It is your attitude that makes or breaks you. Work on being focused and staying true to you, being that positive light that others need. Remember that light overcomes darkness always, so continue to be that positive light and the dark will fade away.
Until next time, aspire to inspire! :)