TRAINING WITH THE BOYS. Is There Really a Difference?
In life and basically in many, if not all things we do, there is an unspoken rule that is 'known' to each of us regarding our roles in society and what we are able to do as male and female. Now, it seems that this is not just a one time thing. It follows us throughout life in all we do and all that we would like to do. If one does not follow that ideal, we are questioned, teased and maybe even put down. But who is to say or tell me what I can and cannot do? After all, does my gender dictate my abilities? Well, it seems that these perceptions of what a male and female can do has worked its way into the gym. Females are not to have muscle, use only the cardio machines and if they are to pick up a weight, it will be the light ones that are pink and/or purple because females like those colors.
This stereotyping has rested on the shoulders of many women for a long time. It has limited them from either doing what they would really like to do in the gym to even reaching their full potential. It was only the females who were labeled athletes that were 'allowed' to break the mold because they had to for their sport, but anyone else, no. Females felt and even now, feel, they must follow what society says a female should do or look like in the gym. But what if, gasp, that was not the case? What if there was another way to look, train and be in the gym? Thankfully with time, things are slowly starting to change, but not for all. Some trainers believe or feel there is only so much a female can/should do and there are also MANY females who believe in the 'cardio only' rule because they don't want to get bulky and look like a guy. My favourite beliefs by far. I guess until all the magazines and media sources alter their belief or view, not all of female society will catch on.
Now, when I first started to work out, I also believed that there was only so much I should do. But, it did not feel right. I knew my body and my limits and pink was not working for me. Thankfully as I read more and learned more about the body, and also meeting a wise trainer in my gym, I began my journey to "training like the guys". Ironically, I was not alone in my style and not all who were training harder, smarter and heavier were guys. Guess what? I could do a 'real' push up and there were males doing the 'girl' push ups! Which if I can point out are called modified push ups. The further I moved along
into gym life and training, I knew I needed to be challenged - that meant looking for a trainer. Like anyone looking to invest into something, I did my homework and had to find the right one that suited me and my needs. Well this was a process...how are you Mr. Trainer going to spot me if you cannot even pick up the weights? Or, you only believe females should lift really light and not add quality size or even muscle...and I should only use the pink weights and do an hour of cardio?! Needless to say the process was lengthy. Eventually, I found one who did not see gender as a way to train me, but saw me for me...capable, willing and able, and also an athlete. Here, there was no male/female training, only hard work and sweat.
As I look back, I realize that I have to be the luckiest girl out there. I mean, who else gets to say that they are trained by Issa Abdalla, in a group that is made up of all males, including IFBB Pro Mboya Edwards? This for me has been the opportunity of a life time. I know that many will not understand the excitement I feel on this, because to most, training is training, but for those who are passionate about the sport of bodybuilding and weight training, this is one of the best opportunities you can have.
Now Mboya and I have been friends for years and through him I have had the chance to meet Issa on numerous occasions. He is a very tall, very built, deep voiced and loud man. To many he is a guru and walking book of knowledge in this sport. He has been around for years and it seems that no matter where he goes, everybody knows him. He is also a straight talking, take no shit from no one trainer and coach, who lets you know from day one, he does not like to have his time wasted.
Now, ever since I first competed and had the roller coaster ride of going through coaches, I had given up on anyone being able to train me or build back my trust in a coach. I thought that maybe Issa would take me on and be able to change that, but because I knew he only worked with hard core athletes and Mboya was and is his main focus, I was a little hesitant and nervous about asking if he would take me on. After all, who am I to him in this indust
ry? Well, back in February of 2011, I sucked it up and I made the call that forever changed how I train and want to train again. My call to Abdalla was lengthy, with him sharing his philosophy on "you have to want this and work for it", and "if you are not serious" he would "have no issue dropping me". My first session was legs. Why do all coaches and trainers have to start with legs?! For all of the ones I have had, that was the make or break factor. To say the workout was hard and painful was an understatement! I have never worked my legs out to that degree ever, or sweated so much in a session, be that cardio or weights.
I felt this intense pressure on myself to not fail him or waste his time. After all, he was taking a chance on this one time competitor. An hour and a half later, I was told that I passed the test! Can I tell you how amazing that felt. Issa took me aside and told me that he was very impressed with my focus, determination and strength. Also, that I did not puke!! He told me that all the workouts would be like this and that he does not treat female bodybuilders differently than males - a bodybuilder is a bodybuilder and I proved that I could take it. He even pointed out to me that I was good enough to train with the boys. And so it began.
This is what I have to say I appreciate more than anything. Here is a trainer that sees that there is no difference in how to train a person. Repeating my argument above. Just because I am a female does not mean that I cannot do certain exercises or lift certain weights. There is no line or invisible wall that does not allow me to go where the guys are or train like them, there are only self imposed or society imposed stereo types of what I should be doing in a gym. Why is it that most women feel that they can only do the 2-5lbs? Why not lift more or train harder? We will not bulk up like men because we pick up a heavier weight. Women do not have male hormones and therefore cannot build muscle in the same degree, but we can lift a weight that is heavy and do reps until it hurts. If you are in a gym to train and work out, there is no need to look cute with the pink dumb bells. And why are the little weights pink again? Really, I am not a fan. When I go to the gym, my purpose is to work my body out to the fullest potential and make sure that the muscles I am there to train know it. That is what Issa does with the group of us. He pushes us to our max and then takes us to the point that we did not know we had in us - break the mental barrier that what we were lifting was not the heaviest we can go. He does not tweak exercises for me and make me do 'girl' anything. A push up is a push up and too bad. I don't glisten, I sweat. There are no grunts or words that leave my mouth when I train, just intense focus and drive. I get spotted by the best and I get to spot them too. There is trust and friendship, and also there is acceptance. I showed them that I can hack it, and that I am not different than them.
For me, training with the boys gives me this desire to push myself and it is a group that when you are training with them, you feel inspired to try harder and do more with your body. With this group, I want to succeed. Is it because I am a girl, no, because I am an athlete and bodybuilder, who wants to be the best one I can be.
I know that the guys have accepted me into the group. Their conversations are candid and there is no censo
ring because I am there. They are open, fun and protective as hell of me out there on the gym floor. When we train, there are no interruptions allowed from 'outsiders' and if anyone talks poorly of me (e.g., natural vs. substance), they are there to defend me. Training with the guys is just that, training with them, it is not male and female exercises, it is a group of athletes coming together to reach a goal and help each other out along the way.
Hopefully, if not at this moment or even tomorrow, but with time, females will realize that they can train with guys and like guys without the fear of turning into one. If you are not letting society place you in a box and define your role or what you can and cannot do, why are you going to allow for that ideal to follow you in the gym? Women will not get bulky, but toned and tight. Women will not get massive or manly, but fit and healthy...dare I even point out sexy. If you would rather have the skinny look but be flabby, stick to the cardio only plan with maybe the odd pink weight. However, if you are wanting the overall healthy, toned and fit look, pick up what you are able to lift, work those weights and watch the flab tighten.
Men and women may have different physical features, structures and strength, but, in all honesty, both can train the same!
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